Canadian Jokes; Funny Canadians and Their Sense of Humour ☺
Have you heard some of the funny Canadian jokes reflecting the sense of humour of Canadians? And have you noticed I spelled it as "humour" and not as "humor" like the Americans do? This is another thing that sets Canadians apart from Americans. Canadian English is based more on British English, although it has many other influences, one of which is from its neighbour, the Americans. But let's get back to the topic... eh?
Following are some of the most common Canadian jokes and
humour about this
country and its citizens:
Molson
Beer Commercial, also known as "The
Rant":
I
AM CANADIAN
I’m not a lumberjack or a fur trader
And I don’t live in an igloo
Or eat blubber or own a dog sled
And I don’t
know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from
I’m certain they’re really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a President
I speak English and French, not American
And I pronounce it “about,” not “aboot.”
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing
Diversity, not assimilation
And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat
A chesterfield is a couch
And it is pronounced zed, not zee, ZED!
The first nation of hockey
And the best part of
My name is [insert your name here]
And I AM CANADIAN!
Another popular list that falls under Canadian jokes is this
one:
You're
Canadian if:
- You know how to pronounce and spell Saskatchewan without blinking
- You put on shorts as soon as it hits plus 10, even if there is still snow around
- You know what a tuque (toque?) is
- You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada
- You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day
- You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color
- You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
- Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway
- You drive on a highway, not a freeway
- You know what a Robertson screwdriver is
- You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
- You drink pop, not soda
- You love your fries with poutine
- You go to the washroom, not the restroom or bathroom
- Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
- You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize
- You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
- "Eh" is a very important part of your vocabulary and you understand all the 1,000 different meanings of "eh"... eh?
- You know schools don't issue a snow day unless there is a severe blizzard (at least in Saskatchewan, my personal experience)
- You don't mind leaving your wet winter boots at the door when visiting your dentist, etc.
- You order a "double-double" at Tim Horton's (famous coffee shop, Canada's pride), not two cream and two sugar (funny thing is, that when we first went through a Tim Horton's drive-thru, we kept hearing the words "gobble-gobble" over the outside speaker, and we were wondering why they were gobbling like turkeys, ha-ha!)
More Canadian Jokes
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks:
You may be
living
in Canada if:
- Your local Dairy Queen (ice cream shop) is closed from September through May
- Someone in a Home Depot offers you assistance... and they don't work there
- You've worn shorts and a parka at the same time
- You've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number
- “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend
- You measure distance in hours
- You know several people who have hit a deer more than once
- You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again
- You can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching
- You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked
- You carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them
- You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit
- The speed limit on the highway is 80 km and you're going 90 and everybody is passing you
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow
- You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction
- You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
- You find 2 degrees "a little" chilly
- If you actually understand these Canadian jokes, you definitely live in Canada! :)
From Canadian Jokes to Canadian Sarcasm
Q:
I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so
how do the plants
grow? (
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
them die.
Q:
Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the
street? (
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q:
I want to walk from
A: Sure, it's only 4,000 miles, take lots of water.
Q:
Is it safe to run around in the bushes in
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q:
Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in
A: What, did your last slave die?
Q:
Can you give me some information about hippo
racing in
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
Q:
Which direction is North in
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get
here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q:
Can I bring cutlery into
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q:
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir
schedule? (
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny,
which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every
Tuesday night
in
Q:
Do you have perfume in
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q:
I have developed a new product that is the
fountain of
youth. Where can I sell it in
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q:
Can you tell me the regions in
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q:
Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q:
Are there supermarkets in
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk
is illegal.
Q:
I have a question about a famous animal in
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by
spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q:
Will I be able to speak English most places
I go? (
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
There you have it, pure sarcasm as part of these Canadian jokes.
As a final part to this Canadian jokes section I'd like to ask you: How do you spell Canada? Answer: C-Eh!-N-Eh!-D-Eh! This Canadian joke originated as follows:
The original name for Canada, dreamed up by a parliamentary committee in London, was "Cold North Dominion," but that was too long, so they abbreviated it to C.N.D. The King's Royal Governor presented the new name to the inhabitants, but they didn't say a word. "Well, what do you think?" asked the Royal Governor? "C, eh?" said the first fellow, and just looked at the Governor. "N, eh?" says the second guy. "D, eh?" says a third one. Then silence. "Hey," says the Governor. "I like that. It's a helluva lot easier to pronounce when you spell it that way." And that's how Canada got its name. :) (Kidding!)
Go Canada! Hope you have enjoyed these Canadian jokes and humour. :)
Continue to:
Quotes about Canada
National Anthem and Symbols
Geographical facts about Canada
History of Canada
Canadian Government and Economy
Canadian People and Culture
Canadian Holidays and Celebrations
Canadian Inventions and Famous Canadians
Canadian Media
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Canadian Politics So my Canadian friend says it's great being Canadian. And I say that's because politicians there can admit to smoking drugs and more people will vote for
Soggy Fries You know you're a Canadian ex-pat if: You refuse to eat french fries if you can't drown them in vinegar (plain white vinegar, the kind you clean windows
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